Day 22

My roommate had a male visitor this weekend. I know this because Friday evening I got a text message from my roommate.

"Yo, you comin home tonight? Cause I wanted to invite my male friend over and wanted some privacy, you know?"

Say no more. Thankfully for both our sakes I was home for the weekend for my brother's high school graduation, and my mother's 50th birthday, and would be away for the weekend.

It was also very polite of her to sexile me via text, honestly, I didn't expect that.

However, you would have thought they would have cleaned up after themselves.

I don't know if I can look at my shower or my kitchen the same way ever again.




Additionally, when I got back on Sunday evening, and was unpacking the laundry that I had done while at home, she walked into the apartment, and let another blood curdling scream out.

Automatically responding I dropped my new clean laundry on the floor that I refuse to go barefoot on, and turned. "What? What is it?"

"Shit, girl! You scared me. My God! You can't sneak up on people like that."

Right.

She quietly walked into our now unlocked apartment, with all the lights on, and my suitcases out, while my back was turned, and I'M the one who snuck up on HER.







I think I may start a countdown to the days until I'm out of this situation. Thoughts?

Day 19

So the afternoon after the "incident" (it's what I'm calling it since she has YET to address her possession, even though I've inquired about it) when i went back to my apartment there was all this toilet paper unraveled and ripped from the roll and placed onto the side of the sink which is right next to the toilet.

Now I know what you're thinking, but trust me it wasn't THAT bad. It wasn't used or anything like that. Really to me it just seemed wasteful. Especially because as of now, she has yet to buy any toilet paper for the bathroom, it's been all me!

So I checked out the toilet paper on the side of the sink top and deemed it ok to touch. I folded it neatly and then placed it on top of the currently roll of toilet paper (because let's be honest, regardless if it was used or not, NO WAY am i used toilet paper that someone else has unraveled, no thank you!)

So after that I went to my boyfriend's apartment, and stayed there for the night, and didn't return to the bathroom til yesterday afternoon. Where, when I arrived the toilet paper I had folded was gone.

I'm assuming she used it.

Or perhaps it was her possessed, night terror self who did.

I can't be too sure anymore.

It also leads me to wonder the eternal question: Is she a folder, or a scruntcher?

Day 17/18 - Things that go bump in the night

Ok, so this one really has nothing to do with bathroomie behavior. However, it does have to do with roomie behavior, so I do ask that you be so kind as to indulge me in this one.

Late last night, or early this morning (however you want to call it), at approximately 2:42AM I woke up to the sound of three blood curdling screams in my apartment.

With adrenaline pumping out of my ears I quickly reached for the light by my bed. I turned it on not knowing what I would encounter. Robbers? Perhaps an ex-lover returning for his one night of revenge? A current lover who likes it rough? I had no idea.

Instead what I found was my roommate on her floor, sitting straight up bundled in blankets.

Still shaken from the abrupt sounds that awoke me, I ask if my roommate was ok. She just kind of sigh and said, "Oh man I'm trippin' out." And with that climbed back into her bed.

Shocked (as it seems I always am when it comes to my roommate) I said, "*Roomie, are you ok? What happened."

No response.

"*Roomie?"

Silence.

Me yelling, "ROOMIE WHAT THE FUCK! ARE YOU OK?!"

mumbles, "I just got a lot on my mind." And with that she was back to sleep.

Now with my heart still pumping out of my chest I did not fall back asleep so easily. I think I finally passed out again around 4:00am.


Terrifying.


Do you think she found out about the blog?





Am I in danger?





I'm scared.










*I have decided to not use my roommate's real name in this blog, so whenever I am quoting myself saying her name I will replace it with "*Roomie." I am doing this for my own safety.

Day 14

Over the weekend I had to work on Saturday. I got up at my usual 8:30am time, and I figured my roommate would remain asleep until I left at 9:30. I mean she always has to wake up so early during the week days that I figured she'd take a little break.

So I'm in the shower, and I'm taking my time. Rarely do I take long showers but I knew it was going to be a long day so I wanted my time to just relax.

Well in the middle of my shower I hear this banging on the door. I also hear, "Caitlin! Caitlin! Are you almost done in there?!"

"Uhh, yeah, in a second," I responded. Shocked and startled still from the knocking.

"Good."

So I quickly rinsed my hair, turned off the water, and got on my towel. I tried to dry off, but I could hear her pacing and mumbling outside the bathroom door, so I just thought, fuck it, and quickly got out of the bathroom, still dripping.

"I will never rush you again, girl. I swear. I just have GOT to GO, ooo-wee!"

And with that she rushed into the bathroom, slammed the door in my face, turned on the faucet, and went about her business.

I stood out side the door for a moment, dripping wet in my Finding Nemo Towel wondering what I had done to deserve this.

Day 13 - Really?

Brace yourself for this one folks.

Now that the blog is up and running I got nervous that maybe this stuff was just first timer nerves. Maybe my roommate was also new to this "sharing a bathroom" conundrum that we were forced into. I was even starting to feel bad, you know? I mean she's a nice, sweet girl, maybe she's just not use to me yet either.

But then...
...this morning happened.

So my roommate has to get to work by 9:30 and her job is uptown and all the way on the east side, so she ha to be up and out much earlier than me (I have to be in at 10am and I literally live 3 stops away from work). So I don't usually wake up until she's already left for work (She leaves at 8:30, I wake up at 8:30).

So, as most everyone in the world, I start my day by walking into the bathroom, noting anything that seems out of place or exhibits the...uhh...behavior.

There were some minor things, but nothing too out of the ordinary.

I did notice a used tissue on the sink. That's what I was originally going to write about. I mean I don't think anyone should be leaving their used "booger-wipes" anywhere but the garbage. But then I got nervous that it could be mine, so I grabbed some toilet paper and picked it up and threw it away. I don't think it was mine, but I mean I still wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, because I guess it could of been.

I also noticed that my make-up dust from my bronzer had made it's way onto the sink, and I started thinking that maybe I was just as bad with this whole bathroom sharing thing as she wa---

AND THAT'S WHEN I SAW IT.

I hadn't seen it at first because my attention wasn't focused on the floor of the bathroom until I saw where my make-up had ended up. As I was looking down I saw it on the floor right next to the bottom of the toilet. It wasn't even pushed to the side or in the back to attempt to hide it. It was just there. Right out in the open, for anyone and everyone to see...
...wrapped in a wad of toilet paper...
...the size... ...the wrap job... ...it was obvious what it was...

AND I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.

Yes ladies, it is exactly what you are thinking it was.
Men if you're confused ask the women in your life about it.

Some call it a gift. Some call it a dot. Teresa from the Real Housewives of New Jersey calls it "Time of the month"

I call it my Day 13 terror.

Now understand it wasn't you know...that bad. It was wrapped up and everything, but I mean COME ON. WHO JUST LEAVES THAT OUT THERE?

And I was scared I wouldn't have anything else to write about...

Day 12

This morning while I was showering I found a pube on my razor...it wasn't mine, but it also didn't look like it was shaved into there, it just looks like somehow it got on top of it.

I also found one on my loofa. That one probably hurt the most.

Day 11

Last night there was a strange smell in our room. I didn't know what it was, but it wasn't too pungent so I just let it be. Figured it might be the garbage so I just kinda let it be and figured I would throw it away later. When my roommate walked in she immediately got this disgusted look on her face and said to me, "Yo, did you use the bathroom?"

I said, "Excuse me?"

She goes, "Because it smells rank in here."

Shocked by yet again the eloquent way she handles bathroom situations I said that I had pee-d earlier but that was it.

And she said, "Oh, because it's gross in here."

I suggested that it may be her garbage can because it still had her Popeye's garbage from a few nights ago in it.

She went over, smelt it, and said, oh yeah that's it and went to through the trash outside.

Day 3

(June 8, 2010)

I woke up to pubic hair left on the toilet seat today. I'm not sayin' it's hers. But I know it isn't mine.

Day 2 - "I got some business to do..."

(June 7, 2010)

So after a day of being out and about in New York City we finally were on our way back to our apartment. We had been pretty much on the go all day, which didn't leave any of us with much time to..."go." They also had been feeding us for free all day, so you can imagine that most of us were filled up to the brim.

Especially my new roomie.

The ENTIRE way home she was swaying, and holding, and clutching, and clenching. She just kept repeating, "Ooo-wee, have I got to go." Which is fine I get it, we've all been there, but I mean come on! We all just met, I think you can keep it together a little bit more.

So we get up to our apartment and I open the door. I expect her to run straight for the bathroom, but she doesn't, she goes to her bed and starts checking her computer.

Now I was off to a party and needed to get ready so I said she should go pee and then I'll get ready after she's done. She looks at me shocked at my suggestion and says, "No, you go pee first and do your thing. I have to pee, but I got a whole lotta other business to tend to in there too, and you won't want to use it after."

Now if you know me, I'm not really one to divulge my bathroom habits publicly, which is what makes this blog so revolutionary to me, but you can imagine as someone who hates discussing bodily functions that involve bowel movements I was absolutely horrified by my roommates statement.

But I didn't let it show. I just said, "Ok" and went about my own business. Clearly I wanted her to get in there ASAP before she exploded, so I took all of 2 minutes to use the bathroom, and then finished getting ready with my hand mirror on my bureau.

Well when I was done in the bathroom she flew in there like a bat out of hell. Understandable. Slammed the door, again, understandable, and then gave a huge, highly audible sigh of relief. Again, TOTALLY understandable.

However the parts that I do not understand are as follows:
-It took me 30mins to get ready and leave; she remained in the bathroom that entire time.
-Strange groans and moans were coming from the bathroom, with the occasional, "Oh, Shit" (pun intended I believe).
-After one rather strong moan she yells from the bathroom, "Did you hear that...was that the doorbell." To Which I responded, "No, uhh...no no ones at the door." "Oh, ok," she said to that.

Throughout this whole ordeal I did manage to pretty myself up and get out to the party. As I left she yelled from the bathroom, "Bye Caitlin, have fun at the party!" (she had also flushed at least 3 times at the point). I thanked her and left as I shuddered out the door.

Now granted, we all have those days, I get it. However, I would not have started this blog if there was not more...

And so begins my summer of Bathroomie Behavior...and may God have mercy on us all.

Day 1 - Sharing a bathroom.

(June 6, 2010)

I'll admit it, I'm spoiled when it comes to bathroom usage. Not really from home, because my brother Ian and I have always had to share a bathroom, but because of college. Now I know for most people college was probably the time in their lives when they learned to suck it up and deal with the fact that they now had to share the bathroom with strangers. No longer would they have the luxury of going barefoot in the shower or go about their business in peace, completely uninhibited. Now they had to think about others' well-being when they went number 2.

But not me. I blame college for spoiling me. In the dorms I was able to find that secret bathroom hidden in the back of the lobby that was only really used during Parents Weekend. When I was on campus, I found the never used bathroom in one of the central buildings that only had one stall and was easy to lock to the outside world. Then my sophomore, junior, and senior years I was an RA so I got my very own bathroom. All mine, no one else's. Just me, my two butt cheeks, and my very own throne. Ahh the glory days of college, huh?

But now? No more. Now I am sharing a bathroom with a stranger. Well, my new roommate, but for all intents and purposes, a stranger.

Now let me go on the record saying that my roommate is really nice. There's really nothing wrong with her. She's a really sweet girl, friendly, always asked about my day, and seems really interested in my life. She's even said that she "loves" me (in that platonic "you're an awesome roomie" way). However, with all that said, I would not be starting a blog like this if there wasn't something a little amiss about the situation.

It's just the way she is when it comes to the bathroom is well...it's odd.

It all started on Day 2 of living together...