DVD Extras

So amongst my "Drafts" in my G-mail, I had a few incidences that I never got the chance to blog about. So for your additionally enjoyment, I would like you to now put in Disc Two and enjoy the Special Features "Deleted Scenes" from my Bathroom Experience.


- Her hair is fucking EVERYWHERE.


- Pube on my face! Pube ON MY FACE! Oh dear God, WHY?!?!


- If I have to hear about my roommate tits one more time, or move her bras from hanging on the shower to hanging else where, I am going to FLIP A SHIT!


- I always "scare" her when she comes into the room. I always startle her, and she seems upset with me. When the lights are ON and you obviously had them off when you left, and when you can hear someone typing on my SIDE then it is PROBABLY ME IN THE ROOM. Or it's her, using my side, lounging on my bed, with her feet and my Ethernet. I wouldn't be surprised if she accidentally surprised herself. I really wouldn't.


- Toilet Paper in the shower. I'm not even going to try to figure that one out.


- She scratches all over her body every night before she goes to sleep. It REALLY skeeves me out.

Day 62/63 - Wipe up

So the end of my fellowship was finally upon us. This meant several things - 1) I was now legit going into the real world. I had a job and had to begin transitioning into a real person. But 2) It meant my time with bathroomie was finally coming to an end.

But in true Bathroomie style you know the end of our relationship wasn't just going to fizzle out. If it was ending, it was ending with a bang.

It's the last night so obviously we were going out and drinking heavily. I had gone out to buy liquor and was coming back to my room before I got all dolled up and became the lush you all know and love.

I walk into my room and my roommate is on my bed, with her laptop, EATING RAMEN.

ON MY BED.

She was EATING.

RAMEN.

ON MY BED.

Since it's the last day I'm feeling a little gutsy so I go:
"Roomie, what are you doing?"

"Girl, you know the Internet doesn't work on my side."

"I mean I get that. But like, it doesn't mean you can just lounge on my side."

"Ok. Alright. Chill out."

And with that she got up and went back to her side.

"You goin' out tonight?" She asked me.

"Yeah, a bunch of us are. You coming?"

"Girl, I dunno. I'm not really good with goodbyes."

"Well I mean, tonight's more of a celebration, tomorrow we'll worry about goodbyes."

"Nah, girl, I have work to do."

I said that was fine, but that I needed to get ready. I mean I guess it's kind of endearing that she was going to be sad to say bye to all of us. But then I went into the bathroom to shower.

- No toilet paper
- Panties hanging on the door (hanging over / TOUCHING MY TOWEL)
- A HUGE ball of hair clogging the drain
- And a strange horrible smell permeating from the bowl.

She never did disappoint.

I showered and got ready. Uneventful. She just remained on her computer on the bed. No further incidences.

I made my drink and said bye, and that I would see her later.

I left, but a few minutes later I realized I had forgotten my cell phone.

I went back into my room and sure enough there she was, on my side, except instead of sitting on my bed she was scrubbing it with a sponge.

Yup. She had spilt some of her Ramen on my bed.

"Sorry girl, I slipped."

Shocked, I grabbed my cell phone off the kitchen counter where I left it.

"Roomie," I said, "I'm sorry, but that's not ok. Please don't hang out on my side of the room."

"Well I need the Internet" was her reply.

"Whatever." And I walked out.

Part of me hoped that would be the last thing I ever needed to say to her. But it wasn't. The next morning she was still there when I awoke. We didn't really speak. Her train was leaving before I was so she left first.

"Well," she said, "It's been real."

"It's definitely been something." I responded.

And then, out of no where, she gives me this HUGE hug. And says, "Good luck with everything."

I told her the same.

She sighed and said, "Shit, now how am I going to get all this stuff downstairs by myself." Referring to her copious amounts of luggage.

My father who was there helping me pack up told her not to worry, he'd help her out. To which she responded with "Thanks!" And then grabbed her backpack, leaving my poor father to carry her two huge suitcases. He told me it was the most awkward elevator ride he's ever experienced.

He didn't care to elaborate.

And to think, after the hug I almost felt bad for the blog. But I mean it's one thing to fuck with me. It's another thing to fuck with my daddy.

And then she was out of my life...


...or so I thought.

Stay tuned for more, because it's coming.

Bathroomie returns to a toilet near you!

To my readers,

I do apologize. It's been far too long. As my summer fellowship was wrapping up my life both simultaneously evolved and fell apart. I slipped into a minor depression that was fueled by loneliness and poverty, however this blog is not the time or the place to air out that nonsense. That's for one of those blogs that's all about people's personal feelings and inner thoughts, and let's be honest, the only people who read those are the ones who write them.

Never fear my loyal readers, I have returned in full swing to finally "wipe up" my Bathroomie experience that took place this summer.

I also have some "DVD Extras" which I think you will enjoy.

PLUS...New Material.

Bet you didn't see that one coming.

So sit back, relax, spread your cheeks, and get ready.

Bathroomie has returned!

Look for tomorrow's post which will finally clear up what happened when Bathroomie and I went our separate ways.

Day 61

In the middle of the night something crashed off her bed making a HUGE EXPLOSIVE sound.

She then proceeded to scream SHIT!! Jump out of bed and turn on all the lights.

It was her computer. She always sleeps with her computer on the bed. Which I think is a stupid idea because you might kick it (which she did) and it might crash to the floor (which it did).

After she calmed down she said, "That scared the shit outta me." And then went into the bathroom for, no joke, 35 minutes.

I guess she meant that literally.

Tonight is our last night together, and tomorrow we say goodbye.

Call me a masochist, but you know, I think I may miss it a little.
















Kidding.

Day 59

(August 3, 2010)

Someone finally learned out to take out the garbage. Good thing with only 4 days left. They grow up so quickly.

Day 58 - cont.

There are now also 2 moldy milk cartons in my refrigerator. Neither of which is mine. Both of which are almost full to the top.

Now forget everything else, but that is just wasteful!


I guess she figured the half full Popeye's to-go containers needed some company.

Day 58 - Round deux

So after spending the weekend at my boyfriends and finishing up my first day of my new job I returned home to:

1) A pink-ish, brown-ish, but mostly pink-ish, ring around the inside of our toilet bowl. I don't even want to venture a guess on why it is pink-ish.
2) The new roll of toilet paper that I had replaced just on Friday, gone down to just the cardboard inner tube that remained naked on the toilet paper holder. With the new roll (that I had also purchased immediately before we even ran out of her share) sitting on the sink NOT replacing the empty cylinder.
3) A clogged toilet.
4) Dirty panties...crotch out.

Some people really enjoy Deja Vu.

Those people never lived with Bathroomie.

1 Week to go.

Day 54

Last night I came in around 12:30am after coming back from a party.

I was really drunk and really had to pee.

I go to the bathroom, and the bowl is filled with toilet paper and hair.

Good thing my roommate wasn't there because I just started yelling. I don't really know why. I think I was just fed up with everything. Tired of dealing with all this nonsense. So I just drunkenly yelled about toilet paper, pubic hair, regular hair, shit, and anything else that came to my mind. It was actually quite therapeutic. And luckily since I was drunk I was too ready to pass out to really do anything but yell.

So I flushed her toilet paper and hair filled bowl, and then peed in silence.

One week to go.

Day 54

I haven't been staying at my place lately. However when I did return yesterday I discovered that a brownish colored ring has appear around our toilet bowl.

I'm going to use that $5.00 that took me forever to get back to buy a toilet brush.

I'll put it right next to the plunger I had to buy to unclog her mess.

Fucking Shit.

Literally.

Day 52

11 Days left with her. Let the countdown begin.

Today when I got home from work I found a dirty bowl filled with reminiscence of Ramen Noodles on top of MY BUREAU. I have not eaten Ramen since I graduated. So not only is she setting up shop on my side, she is also leaving her DIRTY FUCKING DISHES on my side.

Over 1,000 page loads! Thanks guys!

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Day 48 into 49

At 2:30AM last night/this morning, I came back to my apartment after being on set ALL day at a shoot for a Biography Channel pilot.

I don't know what I walked in on my roommate doing.

I don't WANT to know what I walked in on my roommate doing.

All I know is she slammed down her laptop closed real fast. Yelled something to me that was incomprehensible and stared at me the entire time I was getting ready for bed.

I'm shocked I woke up alive this morning.

Day 47

Ok so how do I gently tell my roommate that if in the morning, after she goes number 2 in the bathroom, if there is a little something left over after the first flush to FLUSH AGAIN.

I can understand once or twice.

This morning we moved far beyond that.

Day 46

Is it really that hard?

I mean you just push in the metal springy part, remove the empty roll, and slide on a new one.

I just don't get it.

Day 45

I got home tonight to discover that my roomate had left her straightener plugged in, on, and heated on the sink right next to the open toilet ALL DAY.

Thankfully nothing caught in flames, and the straightener didn't fall into the water creating a catastrophic power surge (not that it would have).

But still! How dumb can you be? You leaves a HEATED STRAIGHTENER on ALL DAY!

Also, as some of you may have seen or read I got my headshots done on Sunday. Lisa has photoshopped a few, and in a moment of insanity I showed one to my roommate.

"Oh! That's you!?!"

"Uhh, yeah, it is. Do you like it."

"Wow, it looks nothing like you"

"Uhh, what do you mean?"

"I dunno, that's just not the Caitlin, I'm use to, but I guess it's fine."

"Umm...well I'm going to have to disagree with you. I think they look great!"

"Well good for you then."

Bitch.
Can you believe it? Like, really?


Also she had a job interview today, I knew she was freaking out a little so I said I would go stay at my boyfriend's so she could have the place to herself. The following conversation then took place.

Her: "Yeah? Good. Because, like. Now don't think I don't like you. Cause I do, you's a chill girl. But sometimes I just need my own space and don't want you around, you know?"

Me: Silence; Shocked Expression; "Right."

No worries roomie, the feeling is mutual.

Day 43

(July 18, 2010)

So I went home for the weekend for my family/joint graduation party for my brother and I this weekend. Party was tons of fun! Lots of food, booze, family, and friends!

Since I had an appointment with the wonderful Lisa (known to her Italian friends as Liza) to take my head shots in Central Park at 11:00am, I had to wake up pretty early to get back to the city on Sunday.

On top of waking up early and being a little cranky, I also had a ton of shit because I had done my laundry at home AND I wanted to steal leftovers from the party. Lugging all that around, I was not a happy camper.

I get into my apartment and drop my stuff off on my bed before heading over to the bathroom. The toilet seat is up and I stupidly think to myself, "Oh! [Roomie] must have cleaned the toilet this weekend. Awesome!"

What am I an idiot? Have I learned nothing over these past 43 days?

So I pee (sorry, I know, TMI).
And then flush.
And then notice that instead of the water level getting lower, it's raising.


Yup, you got it. The toilet was clogged by something.

OF COURSE IT WAS.

It actually brought me back to Summer Scholars 2004. When one of my suite mates had clogged the toilet badly on a Friday afternoon and the maintenance men couldn't come to fix it until Monday afternoon.

I didn't go to the bathroom for 4 days because of that. I know, that's ridiculous. But it was really really traumatizing. Just ask Binata, she was there, she remembers.

Anyways, that was it. I reached my breaking point. I text my roommate and asked if she knew anything about this. No response.

However no more than 3 minutes later, she came into the apartment...

"Hey [Roomie], do you know anything about the toilet being clogged? I just went to use it after being gone all weekend and it's clogged."

"What? It's clogged? I don't know nothing about that. How do you even fix that?"

"Umm...you buy a plunger?"

"A plunger? I've never used one of those before, where can I buy one?"

WHAT?!?!?! Grrrrr... My patience had run out and I was running late for my appointment with Lisa. I told my roommate that if she couldn't figure it out just leave it until I got back. But if she didn't fix it she could NOT use the toilet or it would overflow all over our disgusting bathroom floor.

I hoped she understood. I was slightly fearful for my return home after a day of head shots and moving (Brendan just moved into a new BEAUTIFUL apartment). But thankfully when I returned there wasn't shit and toilet water all over the floor. Phew.

However, she didn't take care of the issue so I had to go and buy a plunger and handle the situation myself.

I am happy to report the toilet is now up and running properly. Reminded me of the time I had to plunge someone else's toilet when I was a CA at University Village. From this day forward I refuse to plunge a toilet that isn't clogged by myself or someone I truly love. How sad is it that I have to make that declaration.


I'm so sick of dealing with my roommates shit. Both literally and figuratively.

Day 38 - continued...

Sorry for leaving such a cliff hanger. Luckily you all didn't have to wait until next season for the big reveal.

Let's organize this in a numbered list shall we?

1) Apparently my roommate has decided that flushing in the morning is optional.




2) So when I finally saw my roommate after not staying at the apartment for a few days I asked her about the $5.00...here is what ensued.

Me: "Hey [Roomie], [Girl who borrowed from me] said that she had given you $5.00 to
pay me back a while ago? Actually it would have been about 3 or 4 weeks ago at
this point. Do you remember that slash have the money?"

Her: "What?! I don't know what you're talking about."

Me: "Umm, well she said she had given it to you? I had lent it to her and she owed
me it back?"

Her: "She didn't owe me five dollars."

Me: "No, I know she didn't. She owed me $5.00. That's why she gave it to you, to
give it to me."

Her: "Oh. Well someone is going to have to jog my memory because I don't remember
that."

Me: "Well that's what I'm doing now. Honestly, it's not a big deal, it's only
$5.00. I'm just confused as to why she would say you have it, when you don't?"

Her: "Well maybe I do."

Me: "Do you?"

Her: "No, I don't think so. But if I do I guess I'll have to pay it now won't I?"

Me: "Alright, well, umm, yes? I dunno I'll ask her about it again"

Her: "Yeah, do that, cause I'll need my memory jogged."



3) She then continued with... "But now I gotta go, because it's that time of the month you know and I just can't hold it when it is. You know what I mean?"

To which I responded with silence.

To which she responded with "TMI?" I nod. "Sorry."

She then retires to the bathroom where I can only assume she was in for quite some time. However I left to go to the gym and burn off some steam.



4) Eventually I did get my $5.00 back from the girl who had originally borrowed it. She just kept saying she "should have known better." I can only assume she was talking about giving it to my roommate first before me? I don't know. The whole situation was bizarre, and I guess honestly I'll never know who was telling the truth: the girl who borrowed the money or my roommate.

I mean I feel kind of silly that this whole thing erupted from a mere $5.00. Normally I wouldn't have even had asked for it back, but I mean once all this shady business started up, it was really the principle of the thing.



5) Sorry this took so long to write. Work has been crazy. I have a lot of catching up to do with the blog, so hopefully today I will be able to put in a few more posts that have been festering in my drafts folder.

And when I say festering, I mean festering. Eww.



6) Remember to follow me please!!!

Day 38

This morning she showered without flip flops.

I now plan on showering with TWO pairs of flip flops.



OH! And the $5.00 situation has gotten a whole lot juicier. I'll fill you guys in later.

Day 37 - Follow Follow Follow Follow Follow Follow Follow Me! (It's to the tune of the song)

Hello all my beautiful bathroom users and bathroomie readers!!

If you could be so kind, and you are currently reading this post, please stop what you are doing immediately and start following me and this blog.

Just look to your right and scroll down a little. See where is says "Occupied" and then says "Become a Follower," please please please just click there and become a follower of bathroomie.

I would really appreciate it.

If you have me in your readers, please visit the actual blog and follow?

I know you read it! Now show my Bathroomie some love (the blog that is, not my actual roommate, you don't need to involve yourself in that drama).


Love you all!

Thanks for your support.

Day 34 - Mo' Money, Mo' Problems

Apparently this bathroomie drama is now traveling a little further past the bowl...

Quite some time ago (5 weeks to be exact) I lent a girl in my program $5.00. No biggie right? I mean it's just five bucks. I told her not to worry about it, but she insisted so then I figured, ok might as well get my $5 back.

So I didn't see the girl for a little while, and then I forgot that she owed me, and blah blah blah, you know how it goes. You want it back, but you don't want to ask, and when you do remember to ask she isn't around. Pretty standard.

So Friday night we're all hanging out drinking and preparing to go out to the bars. I was a little short on cash and didn't feel like opening a tab wherever we went so I thought it a perfect, least awkward scenario for me to ask her if she had that $5 she owed me.

But when I asked her she gave me this weird look: "[Roomie's Name] never gave it to you?"

Huh?

"I mean I usually don't do that, give money I owe to someone else to give to the person, but [Roomie's name] said she was going to your guys' place and that she would give it to you. It was like the day after you lent it to me."

Which, if we remember, was FIVE WEEKS AGO!

Me: Wait so you gave it to [roomie?]

Borrower: Yeah. I guess I'll have to ask her about it, and if she doesn't remember I'll just repay you again.


No no no, I assured her. I would be asking my roommate about the incident, and I would be getting that $5 from her. No worries.


Now I must confess I have yet to ask my roommate about this because I haven't really seen her since I found out on account that her friend was here all weekend. The person I lent the money too could also not be telling the truth, but for some reason I just think that unlikely. And maybe my roommate just forgot you know?

But I mean come on! Not only does she make my life hell with the bathroom, but now her thoughtlessness and forgetfulness are affecting my wallet to!!!


Grrr. I'm getting that five dollars back. And when I do I'm buying as much antiseptic as I can and spraying down that godforsaken hellhole that is my bathroom.

Day 34

So my roommate had a friend come to stay with her for the weekend. And in preparation for it she did (drum roll please)...

...RLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLR...

(that's the striking pattern for the Rudiment "Single-Strike Roll")

FINALLY BUY TOILET PAPER!!!! (cheers from the crowd).

But it was only one of those two pack deals.

Oh well baby steps I guess.


Also, in preparation for her friend she wanted to clean the bathroom floor.

AWESOME! GO FOR IT!

So she took our kitchen sink sponge, and some floor cleaner and went at it.

For legit 2 minutes.

Then she says, "Damn this floor is dirty, I don't think it will every be clean."

She gets up, proceeds to show me the now blackened, filthy sponge.

"Look at that? Filthy." She says.

"Yeah," I reply, "That's why I always wear flip flops in there."

"Mmm, yeah. I should do that."

And with that reply she took the germ infested sponge and threw it back into the kitchen sink with all our dishes.

I attempted to stifle my gasp, got some TP from the bathroom and used it to pick up the bubonic plague sponge and throw it away in the trash room.

Day 32 - Home Sweet Horror

(July 7, 2010)

So I've returned from my wonderful, relaxing, no bathroom trauma vacation to Cape Cod. It was wonderful to escape the hustle and bustle of NYC and frolic around the beach. I also got a pretty killer tan, which always seems to make my boobs look bigger.

But I digress.

You want to hear the dirt right? Of course you do.

I return to my apartment. I open the door and am immediately met with a muggy, humid, wall of air that smells like body odor. I've never told you guys but my roommate hates air conditioning. So during this NYC heat wave of record breaking proportion she apparently didn't turn on the AC once.

She just sat in our apartment.

Sweating.

And believe me, it smelt like that too. (Shudders)

So I walk in to find my roommate on my side of the apartment where she has set up camp, papers and her laptop on MY BED sitting in MY CHAIR using MY ETHERNET connection. Now normally I would have no problem with this, but the detail that I have not yet revealed is that she also had her BARE FEET on my bed.

Now if you know me, you know how I feel about feet.

I. HATE. Feet.

But for some reason I especially hate her feet. I think it's because they walk in our disgusting bathroom barefoot so often. THOSE FEET on my BEAUTIFUL RAINBOW COMFORTER.

When she heard me come in she just turns and goes, "Hey. Obviously I'm on your side because mine wasn't working, that's cool right?"

Yes, using the Internet on my side, cool, no problem.

Putting your bare, bathroom floor touched feet on my comforter, NOT cool, BIG problem.

I nodded and told her yeah it's fine, just next time if she could give me warning. She said of course, and packed up her stuff so I could unpack my suitcase.

In a dismal attempt to alleviate the body odor smell from my nostrils, and to stop the flop sweat I started experiencing I put the air conditioning on high.

She said not to leave it like that for too long.

I said unless she wanted me to die from the heat I needed it on. Maybe it was too bitchy? I didn't care, I was tired from traveling, I was annoyed by her attitude, and I was nauseated by the smell in my room.

So I unpack. I bring my toiletries to the bathroom and AHA, OF COURSE, still NO TOILET PAPER. I look into the kitchen and see that she has also used up all of the paper towels (we had a full roll before I left).

From the bathroom I yell: "Roomie, we don't have any toilet paper, and I think it's your turn to buy it right?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, ok. I'll do it tomorrow."

"Umm, ok, well what are we going to use- (realizing I still had my stash), you know what, that's fine. Ok. Tomorrow. And uhh, what happened to all our paper towels? Was there a big spill?"

"Well, we ran out of TP a little while ago, so I used it to you, clean up my business."

"What?"

"We didn't have anymore toilet paper so I used the paper towels instead"

"For 5 days?"

"Yeah."

"Ok, well then you'll need to replace those too."

"Alright, chill girl, I'll take care of it tomorrow."



Silence.


I unpacked the rest of my stuff as quickly as humanely possible, then I got my stuff ready for the next day, and I left to go to Brendan's. I said "Bye" as I walked out the door.

SHIT! Forgot my cellphone charger.

Went back in.

She had already begun her commute back over to my side of the room.

"My Ethernet still isn't working."

I grabbed my charger and walked out the door.



My only consolation is that after using MY paper towels for 5 days she's got to be feeling a little sore right? I guess that's kind of mean, isn't it?


But for fuck's sake, who wouldn't have bought more toilet paper yet?!

Day 27

Mmm, pube in the sink.

Love it.


Going away for the weekend. Let you know about more horrors when I return.

Day 26

Last night I got acquainted with my roommate's dirty underwear.
She keeps it hanging on the towel rack directly across from the toilet.
Crotch out.



In other news, my Brita also got acquainted with a piece of my roommates hair.
Inside of it.
Yum!




She also sleeps without a pillow. Not that that's related to anything. But still, it freaks me out a little.

Day 25

(June 30, 2010)

This morning when I went into the bathroom I needed to flush again.

I hadn't even used the toilet yet.

You would think she would have made sure she didn't leave anything behind.


Also I noticed that before she left for work she came over to my bed, and like leaned in to check if I was asleep. It freaked me the fuck out, so I just kept on pretending to sleep.

Nothing came of it and she just left, but still. What the fuck?


Also, it's her turn to buy the toilet paper now. I had it covered the last few weeks, but now we're down to our last roll. Since I have my boyfriends place that I stay at quite often, and since I've started avoiding my bathroom like the plague, I don't even use our facilities that much. So you would think she would take the initiative to buy the TP like we had agreed upon. But still, no new rolls.

No worries though. I bought myself a single roll for safety. And if she doesn't purchase it by the time I get back from the holiday weekend, I'll give in and buy another pack. But still, we agreed, it's her turn to buy it.



Wait, what if she doesn't? I can't even begin to fathom that situation. Oh God, maybe I'll just buy it for my own state of mind.

Day 22

My roommate had a male visitor this weekend. I know this because Friday evening I got a text message from my roommate.

"Yo, you comin home tonight? Cause I wanted to invite my male friend over and wanted some privacy, you know?"

Say no more. Thankfully for both our sakes I was home for the weekend for my brother's high school graduation, and my mother's 50th birthday, and would be away for the weekend.

It was also very polite of her to sexile me via text, honestly, I didn't expect that.

However, you would have thought they would have cleaned up after themselves.

I don't know if I can look at my shower or my kitchen the same way ever again.




Additionally, when I got back on Sunday evening, and was unpacking the laundry that I had done while at home, she walked into the apartment, and let another blood curdling scream out.

Automatically responding I dropped my new clean laundry on the floor that I refuse to go barefoot on, and turned. "What? What is it?"

"Shit, girl! You scared me. My God! You can't sneak up on people like that."

Right.

She quietly walked into our now unlocked apartment, with all the lights on, and my suitcases out, while my back was turned, and I'M the one who snuck up on HER.







I think I may start a countdown to the days until I'm out of this situation. Thoughts?

Day 19

So the afternoon after the "incident" (it's what I'm calling it since she has YET to address her possession, even though I've inquired about it) when i went back to my apartment there was all this toilet paper unraveled and ripped from the roll and placed onto the side of the sink which is right next to the toilet.

Now I know what you're thinking, but trust me it wasn't THAT bad. It wasn't used or anything like that. Really to me it just seemed wasteful. Especially because as of now, she has yet to buy any toilet paper for the bathroom, it's been all me!

So I checked out the toilet paper on the side of the sink top and deemed it ok to touch. I folded it neatly and then placed it on top of the currently roll of toilet paper (because let's be honest, regardless if it was used or not, NO WAY am i used toilet paper that someone else has unraveled, no thank you!)

So after that I went to my boyfriend's apartment, and stayed there for the night, and didn't return to the bathroom til yesterday afternoon. Where, when I arrived the toilet paper I had folded was gone.

I'm assuming she used it.

Or perhaps it was her possessed, night terror self who did.

I can't be too sure anymore.

It also leads me to wonder the eternal question: Is she a folder, or a scruntcher?

Day 17/18 - Things that go bump in the night

Ok, so this one really has nothing to do with bathroomie behavior. However, it does have to do with roomie behavior, so I do ask that you be so kind as to indulge me in this one.

Late last night, or early this morning (however you want to call it), at approximately 2:42AM I woke up to the sound of three blood curdling screams in my apartment.

With adrenaline pumping out of my ears I quickly reached for the light by my bed. I turned it on not knowing what I would encounter. Robbers? Perhaps an ex-lover returning for his one night of revenge? A current lover who likes it rough? I had no idea.

Instead what I found was my roommate on her floor, sitting straight up bundled in blankets.

Still shaken from the abrupt sounds that awoke me, I ask if my roommate was ok. She just kind of sigh and said, "Oh man I'm trippin' out." And with that climbed back into her bed.

Shocked (as it seems I always am when it comes to my roommate) I said, "*Roomie, are you ok? What happened."

No response.

"*Roomie?"

Silence.

Me yelling, "ROOMIE WHAT THE FUCK! ARE YOU OK?!"

mumbles, "I just got a lot on my mind." And with that she was back to sleep.

Now with my heart still pumping out of my chest I did not fall back asleep so easily. I think I finally passed out again around 4:00am.


Terrifying.


Do you think she found out about the blog?





Am I in danger?





I'm scared.










*I have decided to not use my roommate's real name in this blog, so whenever I am quoting myself saying her name I will replace it with "*Roomie." I am doing this for my own safety.

Day 14

Over the weekend I had to work on Saturday. I got up at my usual 8:30am time, and I figured my roommate would remain asleep until I left at 9:30. I mean she always has to wake up so early during the week days that I figured she'd take a little break.

So I'm in the shower, and I'm taking my time. Rarely do I take long showers but I knew it was going to be a long day so I wanted my time to just relax.

Well in the middle of my shower I hear this banging on the door. I also hear, "Caitlin! Caitlin! Are you almost done in there?!"

"Uhh, yeah, in a second," I responded. Shocked and startled still from the knocking.

"Good."

So I quickly rinsed my hair, turned off the water, and got on my towel. I tried to dry off, but I could hear her pacing and mumbling outside the bathroom door, so I just thought, fuck it, and quickly got out of the bathroom, still dripping.

"I will never rush you again, girl. I swear. I just have GOT to GO, ooo-wee!"

And with that she rushed into the bathroom, slammed the door in my face, turned on the faucet, and went about her business.

I stood out side the door for a moment, dripping wet in my Finding Nemo Towel wondering what I had done to deserve this.

Day 13 - Really?

Brace yourself for this one folks.

Now that the blog is up and running I got nervous that maybe this stuff was just first timer nerves. Maybe my roommate was also new to this "sharing a bathroom" conundrum that we were forced into. I was even starting to feel bad, you know? I mean she's a nice, sweet girl, maybe she's just not use to me yet either.

But then...
...this morning happened.

So my roommate has to get to work by 9:30 and her job is uptown and all the way on the east side, so she ha to be up and out much earlier than me (I have to be in at 10am and I literally live 3 stops away from work). So I don't usually wake up until she's already left for work (She leaves at 8:30, I wake up at 8:30).

So, as most everyone in the world, I start my day by walking into the bathroom, noting anything that seems out of place or exhibits the...uhh...behavior.

There were some minor things, but nothing too out of the ordinary.

I did notice a used tissue on the sink. That's what I was originally going to write about. I mean I don't think anyone should be leaving their used "booger-wipes" anywhere but the garbage. But then I got nervous that it could be mine, so I grabbed some toilet paper and picked it up and threw it away. I don't think it was mine, but I mean I still wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, because I guess it could of been.

I also noticed that my make-up dust from my bronzer had made it's way onto the sink, and I started thinking that maybe I was just as bad with this whole bathroom sharing thing as she wa---

AND THAT'S WHEN I SAW IT.

I hadn't seen it at first because my attention wasn't focused on the floor of the bathroom until I saw where my make-up had ended up. As I was looking down I saw it on the floor right next to the bottom of the toilet. It wasn't even pushed to the side or in the back to attempt to hide it. It was just there. Right out in the open, for anyone and everyone to see...
...wrapped in a wad of toilet paper...
...the size... ...the wrap job... ...it was obvious what it was...

AND I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.

Yes ladies, it is exactly what you are thinking it was.
Men if you're confused ask the women in your life about it.

Some call it a gift. Some call it a dot. Teresa from the Real Housewives of New Jersey calls it "Time of the month"

I call it my Day 13 terror.

Now understand it wasn't you know...that bad. It was wrapped up and everything, but I mean COME ON. WHO JUST LEAVES THAT OUT THERE?

And I was scared I wouldn't have anything else to write about...

Day 12

This morning while I was showering I found a pube on my razor...it wasn't mine, but it also didn't look like it was shaved into there, it just looks like somehow it got on top of it.

I also found one on my loofa. That one probably hurt the most.

Day 11

Last night there was a strange smell in our room. I didn't know what it was, but it wasn't too pungent so I just let it be. Figured it might be the garbage so I just kinda let it be and figured I would throw it away later. When my roommate walked in she immediately got this disgusted look on her face and said to me, "Yo, did you use the bathroom?"

I said, "Excuse me?"

She goes, "Because it smells rank in here."

Shocked by yet again the eloquent way she handles bathroom situations I said that I had pee-d earlier but that was it.

And she said, "Oh, because it's gross in here."

I suggested that it may be her garbage can because it still had her Popeye's garbage from a few nights ago in it.

She went over, smelt it, and said, oh yeah that's it and went to through the trash outside.

Day 3

(June 8, 2010)

I woke up to pubic hair left on the toilet seat today. I'm not sayin' it's hers. But I know it isn't mine.

Day 2 - "I got some business to do..."

(June 7, 2010)

So after a day of being out and about in New York City we finally were on our way back to our apartment. We had been pretty much on the go all day, which didn't leave any of us with much time to..."go." They also had been feeding us for free all day, so you can imagine that most of us were filled up to the brim.

Especially my new roomie.

The ENTIRE way home she was swaying, and holding, and clutching, and clenching. She just kept repeating, "Ooo-wee, have I got to go." Which is fine I get it, we've all been there, but I mean come on! We all just met, I think you can keep it together a little bit more.

So we get up to our apartment and I open the door. I expect her to run straight for the bathroom, but she doesn't, she goes to her bed and starts checking her computer.

Now I was off to a party and needed to get ready so I said she should go pee and then I'll get ready after she's done. She looks at me shocked at my suggestion and says, "No, you go pee first and do your thing. I have to pee, but I got a whole lotta other business to tend to in there too, and you won't want to use it after."

Now if you know me, I'm not really one to divulge my bathroom habits publicly, which is what makes this blog so revolutionary to me, but you can imagine as someone who hates discussing bodily functions that involve bowel movements I was absolutely horrified by my roommates statement.

But I didn't let it show. I just said, "Ok" and went about my own business. Clearly I wanted her to get in there ASAP before she exploded, so I took all of 2 minutes to use the bathroom, and then finished getting ready with my hand mirror on my bureau.

Well when I was done in the bathroom she flew in there like a bat out of hell. Understandable. Slammed the door, again, understandable, and then gave a huge, highly audible sigh of relief. Again, TOTALLY understandable.

However the parts that I do not understand are as follows:
-It took me 30mins to get ready and leave; she remained in the bathroom that entire time.
-Strange groans and moans were coming from the bathroom, with the occasional, "Oh, Shit" (pun intended I believe).
-After one rather strong moan she yells from the bathroom, "Did you hear that...was that the doorbell." To Which I responded, "No, uhh...no no ones at the door." "Oh, ok," she said to that.

Throughout this whole ordeal I did manage to pretty myself up and get out to the party. As I left she yelled from the bathroom, "Bye Caitlin, have fun at the party!" (she had also flushed at least 3 times at the point). I thanked her and left as I shuddered out the door.

Now granted, we all have those days, I get it. However, I would not have started this blog if there was not more...

And so begins my summer of Bathroomie Behavior...and may God have mercy on us all.

Day 1 - Sharing a bathroom.

(June 6, 2010)

I'll admit it, I'm spoiled when it comes to bathroom usage. Not really from home, because my brother Ian and I have always had to share a bathroom, but because of college. Now I know for most people college was probably the time in their lives when they learned to suck it up and deal with the fact that they now had to share the bathroom with strangers. No longer would they have the luxury of going barefoot in the shower or go about their business in peace, completely uninhibited. Now they had to think about others' well-being when they went number 2.

But not me. I blame college for spoiling me. In the dorms I was able to find that secret bathroom hidden in the back of the lobby that was only really used during Parents Weekend. When I was on campus, I found the never used bathroom in one of the central buildings that only had one stall and was easy to lock to the outside world. Then my sophomore, junior, and senior years I was an RA so I got my very own bathroom. All mine, no one else's. Just me, my two butt cheeks, and my very own throne. Ahh the glory days of college, huh?

But now? No more. Now I am sharing a bathroom with a stranger. Well, my new roommate, but for all intents and purposes, a stranger.

Now let me go on the record saying that my roommate is really nice. There's really nothing wrong with her. She's a really sweet girl, friendly, always asked about my day, and seems really interested in my life. She's even said that she "loves" me (in that platonic "you're an awesome roomie" way). However, with all that said, I would not be starting a blog like this if there wasn't something a little amiss about the situation.

It's just the way she is when it comes to the bathroom is well...it's odd.

It all started on Day 2 of living together...