(July 7, 2010)
So I've returned from my wonderful, relaxing, no bathroom trauma vacation to Cape Cod. It was wonderful to escape the hustle and bustle of NYC and frolic around the beach. I also got a pretty killer tan, which always seems to make my boobs look bigger.
But I digress.
You want to hear the dirt right? Of course you do.
I return to my apartment. I open the door and am immediately met with a muggy, humid, wall of air that smells like body odor. I've never told you guys but my roommate hates air conditioning. So during this NYC heat wave of record breaking proportion she apparently didn't turn on the AC once.
She just sat in our apartment.
Sweating.
And believe me, it smelt like that too. (Shudders)
So I walk in to find my roommate on my side of the apartment where she has set up camp, papers and her laptop on MY BED sitting in MY CHAIR using MY ETHERNET connection. Now normally I would have no problem with this, but the detail that I have not yet revealed is that she also had her BARE FEET on my bed.
Now if you know me, you know how I feel about feet.
I. HATE. Feet.
But for some reason I especially hate her feet. I think it's because they walk in our disgusting bathroom barefoot so often. THOSE FEET on my BEAUTIFUL RAINBOW COMFORTER.
When she heard me come in she just turns and goes, "Hey. Obviously I'm on your side because mine wasn't working, that's cool right?"
Yes, using the Internet on my side, cool, no problem.
Putting your bare, bathroom floor touched feet on my comforter, NOT cool, BIG problem.
I nodded and told her yeah it's fine, just next time if she could give me warning. She said of course, and packed up her stuff so I could unpack my suitcase.
In a dismal attempt to alleviate the body odor smell from my nostrils, and to stop the flop sweat I started experiencing I put the air conditioning on high.
She said not to leave it like that for too long.
I said unless she wanted me to die from the heat I needed it on. Maybe it was too bitchy? I didn't care, I was tired from traveling, I was annoyed by her attitude, and I was nauseated by the smell in my room.
So I unpack. I bring my toiletries to the bathroom and AHA, OF COURSE, still NO TOILET PAPER. I look into the kitchen and see that she has also used up all of the paper towels (we had a full roll before I left).
From the bathroom I yell: "Roomie, we don't have any toilet paper, and I think it's your turn to buy it right?"
"Huh? Oh, yeah, ok. I'll do it tomorrow."
"Umm, ok, well what are we going to use- (realizing I still had my stash), you know what, that's fine. Ok. Tomorrow. And uhh, what happened to all our paper towels? Was there a big spill?"
"Well, we ran out of TP a little while ago, so I used it to you, clean up my business."
"What?"
"We didn't have anymore toilet paper so I used the paper towels instead"
"For 5 days?"
"Yeah."
"Ok, well then you'll need to replace those too."
"Alright, chill girl, I'll take care of it tomorrow."
Silence.
I unpacked the rest of my stuff as quickly as humanely possible, then I got my stuff ready for the next day, and I left to go to Brendan's. I said "Bye" as I walked out the door.
SHIT! Forgot my cellphone charger.
Went back in.
She had already begun her commute back over to my side of the room.
"My Ethernet still isn't working."
I grabbed my charger and walked out the door.
My only consolation is that after using MY paper towels for 5 days she's got to be feeling a little sore right? I guess that's kind of mean, isn't it?
But for fuck's sake, who wouldn't have bought more toilet paper yet?!
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