Day 54

Last night I came in around 12:30am after coming back from a party.

I was really drunk and really had to pee.

I go to the bathroom, and the bowl is filled with toilet paper and hair.

Good thing my roommate wasn't there because I just started yelling. I don't really know why. I think I was just fed up with everything. Tired of dealing with all this nonsense. So I just drunkenly yelled about toilet paper, pubic hair, regular hair, shit, and anything else that came to my mind. It was actually quite therapeutic. And luckily since I was drunk I was too ready to pass out to really do anything but yell.

So I flushed her toilet paper and hair filled bowl, and then peed in silence.

One week to go.

Day 54

I haven't been staying at my place lately. However when I did return yesterday I discovered that a brownish colored ring has appear around our toilet bowl.

I'm going to use that $5.00 that took me forever to get back to buy a toilet brush.

I'll put it right next to the plunger I had to buy to unclog her mess.

Fucking Shit.

Literally.

Day 52

11 Days left with her. Let the countdown begin.

Today when I got home from work I found a dirty bowl filled with reminiscence of Ramen Noodles on top of MY BUREAU. I have not eaten Ramen since I graduated. So not only is she setting up shop on my side, she is also leaving her DIRTY FUCKING DISHES on my side.

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Day 48 into 49

At 2:30AM last night/this morning, I came back to my apartment after being on set ALL day at a shoot for a Biography Channel pilot.

I don't know what I walked in on my roommate doing.

I don't WANT to know what I walked in on my roommate doing.

All I know is she slammed down her laptop closed real fast. Yelled something to me that was incomprehensible and stared at me the entire time I was getting ready for bed.

I'm shocked I woke up alive this morning.

Day 47

Ok so how do I gently tell my roommate that if in the morning, after she goes number 2 in the bathroom, if there is a little something left over after the first flush to FLUSH AGAIN.

I can understand once or twice.

This morning we moved far beyond that.

Day 46

Is it really that hard?

I mean you just push in the metal springy part, remove the empty roll, and slide on a new one.

I just don't get it.

Day 45

I got home tonight to discover that my roomate had left her straightener plugged in, on, and heated on the sink right next to the open toilet ALL DAY.

Thankfully nothing caught in flames, and the straightener didn't fall into the water creating a catastrophic power surge (not that it would have).

But still! How dumb can you be? You leaves a HEATED STRAIGHTENER on ALL DAY!

Also, as some of you may have seen or read I got my headshots done on Sunday. Lisa has photoshopped a few, and in a moment of insanity I showed one to my roommate.

"Oh! That's you!?!"

"Uhh, yeah, it is. Do you like it."

"Wow, it looks nothing like you"

"Uhh, what do you mean?"

"I dunno, that's just not the Caitlin, I'm use to, but I guess it's fine."

"Umm...well I'm going to have to disagree with you. I think they look great!"

"Well good for you then."

Bitch.
Can you believe it? Like, really?


Also she had a job interview today, I knew she was freaking out a little so I said I would go stay at my boyfriend's so she could have the place to herself. The following conversation then took place.

Her: "Yeah? Good. Because, like. Now don't think I don't like you. Cause I do, you's a chill girl. But sometimes I just need my own space and don't want you around, you know?"

Me: Silence; Shocked Expression; "Right."

No worries roomie, the feeling is mutual.

Day 43

(July 18, 2010)

So I went home for the weekend for my family/joint graduation party for my brother and I this weekend. Party was tons of fun! Lots of food, booze, family, and friends!

Since I had an appointment with the wonderful Lisa (known to her Italian friends as Liza) to take my head shots in Central Park at 11:00am, I had to wake up pretty early to get back to the city on Sunday.

On top of waking up early and being a little cranky, I also had a ton of shit because I had done my laundry at home AND I wanted to steal leftovers from the party. Lugging all that around, I was not a happy camper.

I get into my apartment and drop my stuff off on my bed before heading over to the bathroom. The toilet seat is up and I stupidly think to myself, "Oh! [Roomie] must have cleaned the toilet this weekend. Awesome!"

What am I an idiot? Have I learned nothing over these past 43 days?

So I pee (sorry, I know, TMI).
And then flush.
And then notice that instead of the water level getting lower, it's raising.


Yup, you got it. The toilet was clogged by something.

OF COURSE IT WAS.

It actually brought me back to Summer Scholars 2004. When one of my suite mates had clogged the toilet badly on a Friday afternoon and the maintenance men couldn't come to fix it until Monday afternoon.

I didn't go to the bathroom for 4 days because of that. I know, that's ridiculous. But it was really really traumatizing. Just ask Binata, she was there, she remembers.

Anyways, that was it. I reached my breaking point. I text my roommate and asked if she knew anything about this. No response.

However no more than 3 minutes later, she came into the apartment...

"Hey [Roomie], do you know anything about the toilet being clogged? I just went to use it after being gone all weekend and it's clogged."

"What? It's clogged? I don't know nothing about that. How do you even fix that?"

"Umm...you buy a plunger?"

"A plunger? I've never used one of those before, where can I buy one?"

WHAT?!?!?! Grrrrr... My patience had run out and I was running late for my appointment with Lisa. I told my roommate that if she couldn't figure it out just leave it until I got back. But if she didn't fix it she could NOT use the toilet or it would overflow all over our disgusting bathroom floor.

I hoped she understood. I was slightly fearful for my return home after a day of head shots and moving (Brendan just moved into a new BEAUTIFUL apartment). But thankfully when I returned there wasn't shit and toilet water all over the floor. Phew.

However, she didn't take care of the issue so I had to go and buy a plunger and handle the situation myself.

I am happy to report the toilet is now up and running properly. Reminded me of the time I had to plunge someone else's toilet when I was a CA at University Village. From this day forward I refuse to plunge a toilet that isn't clogged by myself or someone I truly love. How sad is it that I have to make that declaration.


I'm so sick of dealing with my roommates shit. Both literally and figuratively.

Day 38 - continued...

Sorry for leaving such a cliff hanger. Luckily you all didn't have to wait until next season for the big reveal.

Let's organize this in a numbered list shall we?

1) Apparently my roommate has decided that flushing in the morning is optional.




2) So when I finally saw my roommate after not staying at the apartment for a few days I asked her about the $5.00...here is what ensued.

Me: "Hey [Roomie], [Girl who borrowed from me] said that she had given you $5.00 to
pay me back a while ago? Actually it would have been about 3 or 4 weeks ago at
this point. Do you remember that slash have the money?"

Her: "What?! I don't know what you're talking about."

Me: "Umm, well she said she had given it to you? I had lent it to her and she owed
me it back?"

Her: "She didn't owe me five dollars."

Me: "No, I know she didn't. She owed me $5.00. That's why she gave it to you, to
give it to me."

Her: "Oh. Well someone is going to have to jog my memory because I don't remember
that."

Me: "Well that's what I'm doing now. Honestly, it's not a big deal, it's only
$5.00. I'm just confused as to why she would say you have it, when you don't?"

Her: "Well maybe I do."

Me: "Do you?"

Her: "No, I don't think so. But if I do I guess I'll have to pay it now won't I?"

Me: "Alright, well, umm, yes? I dunno I'll ask her about it again"

Her: "Yeah, do that, cause I'll need my memory jogged."



3) She then continued with... "But now I gotta go, because it's that time of the month you know and I just can't hold it when it is. You know what I mean?"

To which I responded with silence.

To which she responded with "TMI?" I nod. "Sorry."

She then retires to the bathroom where I can only assume she was in for quite some time. However I left to go to the gym and burn off some steam.



4) Eventually I did get my $5.00 back from the girl who had originally borrowed it. She just kept saying she "should have known better." I can only assume she was talking about giving it to my roommate first before me? I don't know. The whole situation was bizarre, and I guess honestly I'll never know who was telling the truth: the girl who borrowed the money or my roommate.

I mean I feel kind of silly that this whole thing erupted from a mere $5.00. Normally I wouldn't have even had asked for it back, but I mean once all this shady business started up, it was really the principle of the thing.



5) Sorry this took so long to write. Work has been crazy. I have a lot of catching up to do with the blog, so hopefully today I will be able to put in a few more posts that have been festering in my drafts folder.

And when I say festering, I mean festering. Eww.



6) Remember to follow me please!!!

Day 38

This morning she showered without flip flops.

I now plan on showering with TWO pairs of flip flops.



OH! And the $5.00 situation has gotten a whole lot juicier. I'll fill you guys in later.

Day 37 - Follow Follow Follow Follow Follow Follow Follow Me! (It's to the tune of the song)

Hello all my beautiful bathroom users and bathroomie readers!!

If you could be so kind, and you are currently reading this post, please stop what you are doing immediately and start following me and this blog.

Just look to your right and scroll down a little. See where is says "Occupied" and then says "Become a Follower," please please please just click there and become a follower of bathroomie.

I would really appreciate it.

If you have me in your readers, please visit the actual blog and follow?

I know you read it! Now show my Bathroomie some love (the blog that is, not my actual roommate, you don't need to involve yourself in that drama).


Love you all!

Thanks for your support.

Day 34 - Mo' Money, Mo' Problems

Apparently this bathroomie drama is now traveling a little further past the bowl...

Quite some time ago (5 weeks to be exact) I lent a girl in my program $5.00. No biggie right? I mean it's just five bucks. I told her not to worry about it, but she insisted so then I figured, ok might as well get my $5 back.

So I didn't see the girl for a little while, and then I forgot that she owed me, and blah blah blah, you know how it goes. You want it back, but you don't want to ask, and when you do remember to ask she isn't around. Pretty standard.

So Friday night we're all hanging out drinking and preparing to go out to the bars. I was a little short on cash and didn't feel like opening a tab wherever we went so I thought it a perfect, least awkward scenario for me to ask her if she had that $5 she owed me.

But when I asked her she gave me this weird look: "[Roomie's Name] never gave it to you?"

Huh?

"I mean I usually don't do that, give money I owe to someone else to give to the person, but [Roomie's name] said she was going to your guys' place and that she would give it to you. It was like the day after you lent it to me."

Which, if we remember, was FIVE WEEKS AGO!

Me: Wait so you gave it to [roomie?]

Borrower: Yeah. I guess I'll have to ask her about it, and if she doesn't remember I'll just repay you again.


No no no, I assured her. I would be asking my roommate about the incident, and I would be getting that $5 from her. No worries.


Now I must confess I have yet to ask my roommate about this because I haven't really seen her since I found out on account that her friend was here all weekend. The person I lent the money too could also not be telling the truth, but for some reason I just think that unlikely. And maybe my roommate just forgot you know?

But I mean come on! Not only does she make my life hell with the bathroom, but now her thoughtlessness and forgetfulness are affecting my wallet to!!!


Grrr. I'm getting that five dollars back. And when I do I'm buying as much antiseptic as I can and spraying down that godforsaken hellhole that is my bathroom.

Day 34

So my roommate had a friend come to stay with her for the weekend. And in preparation for it she did (drum roll please)...

...RLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLR...

(that's the striking pattern for the Rudiment "Single-Strike Roll")

FINALLY BUY TOILET PAPER!!!! (cheers from the crowd).

But it was only one of those two pack deals.

Oh well baby steps I guess.


Also, in preparation for her friend she wanted to clean the bathroom floor.

AWESOME! GO FOR IT!

So she took our kitchen sink sponge, and some floor cleaner and went at it.

For legit 2 minutes.

Then she says, "Damn this floor is dirty, I don't think it will every be clean."

She gets up, proceeds to show me the now blackened, filthy sponge.

"Look at that? Filthy." She says.

"Yeah," I reply, "That's why I always wear flip flops in there."

"Mmm, yeah. I should do that."

And with that reply she took the germ infested sponge and threw it back into the kitchen sink with all our dishes.

I attempted to stifle my gasp, got some TP from the bathroom and used it to pick up the bubonic plague sponge and throw it away in the trash room.

Day 32 - Home Sweet Horror

(July 7, 2010)

So I've returned from my wonderful, relaxing, no bathroom trauma vacation to Cape Cod. It was wonderful to escape the hustle and bustle of NYC and frolic around the beach. I also got a pretty killer tan, which always seems to make my boobs look bigger.

But I digress.

You want to hear the dirt right? Of course you do.

I return to my apartment. I open the door and am immediately met with a muggy, humid, wall of air that smells like body odor. I've never told you guys but my roommate hates air conditioning. So during this NYC heat wave of record breaking proportion she apparently didn't turn on the AC once.

She just sat in our apartment.

Sweating.

And believe me, it smelt like that too. (Shudders)

So I walk in to find my roommate on my side of the apartment where she has set up camp, papers and her laptop on MY BED sitting in MY CHAIR using MY ETHERNET connection. Now normally I would have no problem with this, but the detail that I have not yet revealed is that she also had her BARE FEET on my bed.

Now if you know me, you know how I feel about feet.

I. HATE. Feet.

But for some reason I especially hate her feet. I think it's because they walk in our disgusting bathroom barefoot so often. THOSE FEET on my BEAUTIFUL RAINBOW COMFORTER.

When she heard me come in she just turns and goes, "Hey. Obviously I'm on your side because mine wasn't working, that's cool right?"

Yes, using the Internet on my side, cool, no problem.

Putting your bare, bathroom floor touched feet on my comforter, NOT cool, BIG problem.

I nodded and told her yeah it's fine, just next time if she could give me warning. She said of course, and packed up her stuff so I could unpack my suitcase.

In a dismal attempt to alleviate the body odor smell from my nostrils, and to stop the flop sweat I started experiencing I put the air conditioning on high.

She said not to leave it like that for too long.

I said unless she wanted me to die from the heat I needed it on. Maybe it was too bitchy? I didn't care, I was tired from traveling, I was annoyed by her attitude, and I was nauseated by the smell in my room.

So I unpack. I bring my toiletries to the bathroom and AHA, OF COURSE, still NO TOILET PAPER. I look into the kitchen and see that she has also used up all of the paper towels (we had a full roll before I left).

From the bathroom I yell: "Roomie, we don't have any toilet paper, and I think it's your turn to buy it right?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, ok. I'll do it tomorrow."

"Umm, ok, well what are we going to use- (realizing I still had my stash), you know what, that's fine. Ok. Tomorrow. And uhh, what happened to all our paper towels? Was there a big spill?"

"Well, we ran out of TP a little while ago, so I used it to you, clean up my business."

"What?"

"We didn't have anymore toilet paper so I used the paper towels instead"

"For 5 days?"

"Yeah."

"Ok, well then you'll need to replace those too."

"Alright, chill girl, I'll take care of it tomorrow."



Silence.


I unpacked the rest of my stuff as quickly as humanely possible, then I got my stuff ready for the next day, and I left to go to Brendan's. I said "Bye" as I walked out the door.

SHIT! Forgot my cellphone charger.

Went back in.

She had already begun her commute back over to my side of the room.

"My Ethernet still isn't working."

I grabbed my charger and walked out the door.



My only consolation is that after using MY paper towels for 5 days she's got to be feeling a little sore right? I guess that's kind of mean, isn't it?


But for fuck's sake, who wouldn't have bought more toilet paper yet?!

Day 27

Mmm, pube in the sink.

Love it.


Going away for the weekend. Let you know about more horrors when I return.

Day 26

Last night I got acquainted with my roommate's dirty underwear.
She keeps it hanging on the towel rack directly across from the toilet.
Crotch out.



In other news, my Brita also got acquainted with a piece of my roommates hair.
Inside of it.
Yum!




She also sleeps without a pillow. Not that that's related to anything. But still, it freaks me out a little.

Day 25

(June 30, 2010)

This morning when I went into the bathroom I needed to flush again.

I hadn't even used the toilet yet.

You would think she would have made sure she didn't leave anything behind.


Also I noticed that before she left for work she came over to my bed, and like leaned in to check if I was asleep. It freaked me the fuck out, so I just kept on pretending to sleep.

Nothing came of it and she just left, but still. What the fuck?


Also, it's her turn to buy the toilet paper now. I had it covered the last few weeks, but now we're down to our last roll. Since I have my boyfriends place that I stay at quite often, and since I've started avoiding my bathroom like the plague, I don't even use our facilities that much. So you would think she would take the initiative to buy the TP like we had agreed upon. But still, no new rolls.

No worries though. I bought myself a single roll for safety. And if she doesn't purchase it by the time I get back from the holiday weekend, I'll give in and buy another pack. But still, we agreed, it's her turn to buy it.



Wait, what if she doesn't? I can't even begin to fathom that situation. Oh God, maybe I'll just buy it for my own state of mind.